Last night, I had a huge choice to make. Do I write my 100 words column or do I have a bowl of ice cream with Sol and Bernice.
Hmmmm. I like to write alot, and enjoy my daily typing. Hmmmm. I like ice cream, and especially eatting in their kitchen. I choose ice cream!
Its like the saying goes "Eat dessert first". Most of the times that I go over there, which is about once a week, I eat their ice cream as my dinner. Don't tell my kids. I'm forever telling them to eat healthy, snack or fruits. You know....the things your mother told you growing up.
There is something so peaceful for me. Sitting around a kitchen table is the ultimate resting place. Its where I would sit for hours talking to my dad. He didn't make much sense at the end of his Alzheimer's journey, but I enjoyed the time, nonetheless. Its the place I miss most with my mom. We both got up in the early mornings, and when I would visit, we would meet there before anyone else woke up and spend time, working on the newspapers crossword puzzles and jumbles.
Its the one thing I miss in my house here. A table in the kitchen.
18 October 2007
16 October 2007
He's gone...he's back
My son, Jake graduated from school last summer, with dreams of going to art school and becoming a documentary filmmaker in third world countries. His good buddy and he were all fired up and moving an hour away. We stocked his furnished apartment with all the necessities. TV, movies, a few towels and bedding. We even bought him a coffee pot, even though he hates coffee. It was his idea, I think he wanted to look grownup.
He worked real hard all semester, and got great grades. I worked for days cleaning out his room. I didn't know dust bunnies could be so tall! I got used to having him gone. It really wasn't that hard. He was ready to be on his own, and what I didn't know didn't bother me.
He's back now, and decided to forego the filmmaking career to something else. He wants to attend the community college until he's further into his life. Now I have to get used to having him home. Well, its not that hard having him home, its just the video games are back, and the noise travels on our tile floors.
I love Jake, and so glad he can move in and out so easily. Right now he's here, but one of these days he'll move on again.
I think I'll keep the coffeepot handy.
He worked real hard all semester, and got great grades. I worked for days cleaning out his room. I didn't know dust bunnies could be so tall! I got used to having him gone. It really wasn't that hard. He was ready to be on his own, and what I didn't know didn't bother me.
He's back now, and decided to forego the filmmaking career to something else. He wants to attend the community college until he's further into his life. Now I have to get used to having him home. Well, its not that hard having him home, its just the video games are back, and the noise travels on our tile floors.
I love Jake, and so glad he can move in and out so easily. Right now he's here, but one of these days he'll move on again.
I think I'll keep the coffeepot handy.
15 October 2007
Playing with the big girls
First match in the 4.5 tennis league. Playing with the big girls. I love the challenge. I love the pace. I love to hit the ball hard. Alli and I had great time today. She is a leftie and when I return serve from the deuce site, deep in the court, more times than not, I set her up for a put-a-way shot. Its makes my day, every time that happens.
We have the normal chatter "Come on, we can do it" and "this one's ours". I love it when I look at her and say "be the ball, Alli, be the ball" Today, to help the mojo, I was blowing kisses on the tennis balls, stroking my racquet as if it was a puppy dog. I will do anything to make the shot better. If I could just move my feet a little more, then it would take care of alot of my mistakes.
Alli came back from a wonderful tennis camp run by gorgeous guys. I saw the pictures. They were gorgeous. At one point, when she was struggling with her serve, she said something about all the money she spent from the pro improving her serve. I walked up to her slowly and said "Forget the pro, think about the gorgeous guy from New Zealand." I believe in visualizing. This prompt from me definitely relax her and she got most of her serves in after that.
I have realized playing tennis, that when I start to "try and get the ball in" while serving, usually ends in a double fault. Changing the rhythm in a panic helps noone, and doesn't put points on the board.
Tomorrow I play again, not with Alli but Carla. I will resort to kissing tennis balls if I need to.
We have the normal chatter "Come on, we can do it" and "this one's ours". I love it when I look at her and say "be the ball, Alli, be the ball" Today, to help the mojo, I was blowing kisses on the tennis balls, stroking my racquet as if it was a puppy dog. I will do anything to make the shot better. If I could just move my feet a little more, then it would take care of alot of my mistakes.
Alli came back from a wonderful tennis camp run by gorgeous guys. I saw the pictures. They were gorgeous. At one point, when she was struggling with her serve, she said something about all the money she spent from the pro improving her serve. I walked up to her slowly and said "Forget the pro, think about the gorgeous guy from New Zealand." I believe in visualizing. This prompt from me definitely relax her and she got most of her serves in after that.
I have realized playing tennis, that when I start to "try and get the ball in" while serving, usually ends in a double fault. Changing the rhythm in a panic helps noone, and doesn't put points on the board.
Tomorrow I play again, not with Alli but Carla. I will resort to kissing tennis balls if I need to.
14 October 2007
Wade
Todays my dad's birthday. He would have been 90 years old. He only made it to 88. I have his picture above my computer. I still having trouble remembering him from the days before Alzheimer's took him slowly away. I can see him with his head leaning back in one of his big laughs. I can see him when he looked at me wondering who I was.
Today, on TV, they had a news story on Alzheimer's and how they will soon have a breakthrough. Every time I forget something, dread fills my heart. I'm sure, well at least I hope I'm sure that its just the normal aging for a women that has too much on her plate. Mom, artist, wife, tennis player, volunteer, clown, taxi driver!
I want to remember first my dad for his whisker rubs, and shoulder rides, for letting me drive his car when I was just 13. I want to remember first sitting at the local bar and drinking root beer with the drunks as my dad stood behind the counter. I want to remember first riding my bike to the car garage where he worked and watched in amazement as he worked on cars, and later his same enthusiasm as he grew orchids.
That's what I want to remember first. My dad.
Today, on TV, they had a news story on Alzheimer's and how they will soon have a breakthrough. Every time I forget something, dread fills my heart. I'm sure, well at least I hope I'm sure that its just the normal aging for a women that has too much on her plate. Mom, artist, wife, tennis player, volunteer, clown, taxi driver!
I want to remember first my dad for his whisker rubs, and shoulder rides, for letting me drive his car when I was just 13. I want to remember first sitting at the local bar and drinking root beer with the drunks as my dad stood behind the counter. I want to remember first riding my bike to the car garage where he worked and watched in amazement as he worked on cars, and later his same enthusiasm as he grew orchids.
That's what I want to remember first. My dad.
13 October 2007
Two on a Bench
After a very hard day of being around a bunch of clowns, I was tired. Tired of being funny, tired of learning new things, tired of meeting new people. I came home to a houseful of teenagers. Boy and girls. Some I knew, some I didn't. I gave all the boys the third degree. Who are you, how do you know my daughter. I felt right at ease looking them in the eye, and giving them my "I see everything" look. I just came from clown camp, I could see these things.
My daughter wanted to know when I was leaving again. Again? I just got home. Ok, ok, I'll disappear for awhile, after I announced to the group that I didn't want any illegal activity going on while I was gone.
I headed over to the mall and sat on a bench and watched people go by. Normal people. No one with clown makeup or funny shoes, although the styles coming out in the fall aren't far from this look. A nice little old lady with ice cream in her hand headed towards the bench "Please," I said. "Join me". The next hour rushed by as we shared a bit about ourselves.
Gerry, with her husband, who was a colonel in the army traveled all over the world. He served two stints in Vietnam. She told me stories of how she worked with the wounded soldiers, holding their hands and wiping their brows. She now volunteers her time sending care packages overseas. Her husband died a few years ago, and she wants to honor him and continue caring for our heroes overseas.
I told her I was a volunteer for hospice, and some of my stories. I told her about losing my mom this past year, and how I was able to be there when she died. Our stories overlapped in our caring for others. At one point, I looked at her and said. "Just look at us, two people worn out from a days work, sitting on this bench. I think two angels just met."
I hope I run in to her again. She really was an angel.
My daughter wanted to know when I was leaving again. Again? I just got home. Ok, ok, I'll disappear for awhile, after I announced to the group that I didn't want any illegal activity going on while I was gone.
I headed over to the mall and sat on a bench and watched people go by. Normal people. No one with clown makeup or funny shoes, although the styles coming out in the fall aren't far from this look. A nice little old lady with ice cream in her hand headed towards the bench "Please," I said. "Join me". The next hour rushed by as we shared a bit about ourselves.
Gerry, with her husband, who was a colonel in the army traveled all over the world. He served two stints in Vietnam. She told me stories of how she worked with the wounded soldiers, holding their hands and wiping their brows. She now volunteers her time sending care packages overseas. Her husband died a few years ago, and she wants to honor him and continue caring for our heroes overseas.
I told her I was a volunteer for hospice, and some of my stories. I told her about losing my mom this past year, and how I was able to be there when she died. Our stories overlapped in our caring for others. At one point, I looked at her and said. "Just look at us, two people worn out from a days work, sitting on this bench. I think two angels just met."
I hope I run in to her again. She really was an angel.
12 October 2007
Another item to add to my life's list of things to do
Tonight, I added something to my list of things I want to do. After watching the skits at the clown workshop, the gag jokes and the slapstick, I was ready to run away and join the circus. I drove away with tears in my eyes. I want to be on stage and do silly things and ad lib and make people laugh. I'm not sure how to make that happen, but its in my stars, its in my destiny. I could taste it.
I sat in the room with people that have been clowns longer than I have been alive. I sat with people my age that have been clowning for 25 years. I want to be 80 and say I've been clowning for 25 years. I'm not really interested in the kids birthday parties, and I struggle with balloon animals. I am interested in the stage part....the part that right smack dab on center stage. This comes from a kid who used to hide behind the chair when someone knocked on the door, and as a teenager, couldn't call on the phone to order pizza.
Where I found my voice, I'm not sure. I just didn't have much to say the first 50 years of my life. Now, I want to make it all a comedy and act it out. or write a book of short stories about my life. They are really just one act plays that when they are put together in real life make me.
It will be interesting to see how this next year plays out. Look for me on some comedy stage soon. I will be there.
I sat in the room with people that have been clowns longer than I have been alive. I sat with people my age that have been clowning for 25 years. I want to be 80 and say I've been clowning for 25 years. I'm not really interested in the kids birthday parties, and I struggle with balloon animals. I am interested in the stage part....the part that right smack dab on center stage. This comes from a kid who used to hide behind the chair when someone knocked on the door, and as a teenager, couldn't call on the phone to order pizza.
Where I found my voice, I'm not sure. I just didn't have much to say the first 50 years of my life. Now, I want to make it all a comedy and act it out. or write a book of short stories about my life. They are really just one act plays that when they are put together in real life make me.
It will be interesting to see how this next year plays out. Look for me on some comedy stage soon. I will be there.
11 October 2007
A Bunch of Clowns
I spent all day with a bunch of clowns. Yes, the real ones. The Ringling Brother's kind of clowns. Its a four day workshop on perfecting the art of clowning. I'm what they call a Joey. I've been a clown for about 6 months. Some of the attendees have been clowns for 50 years. The stories they tell, are what movies are made of.
When I was a kid, I like so many others, wanted to run away and join the circus. Its sounded good. I had no idea what exactly that meant. I've been a goofball all my life. Before I turned 50 I was a shy goofball. Now I'm a loud one. It was on the list of things I wanted to do during my life – be a clown. I also wanted to work with hospice as a volunteer. So, I am a volunteer with Hospice as a clown. I checked off two things on my list, with one organization - Tidewell Hospice & Palliative Care.
Part of the workshop today was learning how to twirl plates on a stick, make balloon animals and juggling. I got the jungling down, and after many attempts had a plate spinning on a stick. The red plates spun the best. I couldn't get the blue ones going. I was told they were the same, but I disagree. My balloon animals look like biological disasters. My dog had legs that didn't match in length. I couldn't even pretend they were cats or pigs. So I started making abstract hats. That seemed to work much better.
There's something magical about being a clown. Its not just putting on the makeup, although that is part of it. It comes from the heart outwards.
When I was a kid, I like so many others, wanted to run away and join the circus. Its sounded good. I had no idea what exactly that meant. I've been a goofball all my life. Before I turned 50 I was a shy goofball. Now I'm a loud one. It was on the list of things I wanted to do during my life – be a clown. I also wanted to work with hospice as a volunteer. So, I am a volunteer with Hospice as a clown. I checked off two things on my list, with one organization - Tidewell Hospice & Palliative Care.
Part of the workshop today was learning how to twirl plates on a stick, make balloon animals and juggling. I got the jungling down, and after many attempts had a plate spinning on a stick. The red plates spun the best. I couldn't get the blue ones going. I was told they were the same, but I disagree. My balloon animals look like biological disasters. My dog had legs that didn't match in length. I couldn't even pretend they were cats or pigs. So I started making abstract hats. That seemed to work much better.
There's something magical about being a clown. Its not just putting on the makeup, although that is part of it. It comes from the heart outwards.
10 October 2007
Leave It On The Court
Hi Bob
I have to tell you a story about this past weekend in Daytona. While watching one of your teammates play, I kept hearing you say "leave it on the court". I thought, gee, I've never quit thought of it like that. Give it your all, and leave it on the court. Good shot...leave it on the court. Bad Shot...leave it on the court. Match won...leave it on the court. Match lost...leave it on the court.
My first match was discouraging, the forehand I love just took a vacation. The second match it was there. We split sets, and I was serving for the match in the tie breaker. First serve to the woman....won...it is 9-7. Then I had to serve to the guy, who had this huge forehand. Ok, I thought, just get it in and deal with it. Missed (I should never "just get it in"). Second serve....and then I heard you in my head....leave it on the court. Ok, here goes. I've been practicing a kick serve for the past month. This was the moment, and I hit the most beautiful kick serve that took him by surprise, and he hit it up and out.
I think I'll always remember.... leave it on the court. It applies to so much more than just a tennis game.
thanks
judy
I have to tell you a story about this past weekend in Daytona. While watching one of your teammates play, I kept hearing you say "leave it on the court". I thought, gee, I've never quit thought of it like that. Give it your all, and leave it on the court. Good shot...leave it on the court. Bad Shot...leave it on the court. Match won...leave it on the court. Match lost...leave it on the court.
My first match was discouraging, the forehand I love just took a vacation. The second match it was there. We split sets, and I was serving for the match in the tie breaker. First serve to the woman....won...it is 9-7. Then I had to serve to the guy, who had this huge forehand. Ok, I thought, just get it in and deal with it. Missed (I should never "just get it in"). Second serve....and then I heard you in my head....leave it on the court. Ok, here goes. I've been practicing a kick serve for the past month. This was the moment, and I hit the most beautiful kick serve that took him by surprise, and he hit it up and out.
I think I'll always remember.... leave it on the court. It applies to so much more than just a tennis game.
thanks
judy
09 October 2007
Worn Shoes
Today, after my second tennis match of the day, I knew my tennis shoes needed replacing. They were done and my feet hurt. I can't tell you much more than that, but they are soon to be replaced by a new pair. My shoes last me about 6 months. After playing about 5 tennis matches a week, the spring has sprung.
The whiteness of my shoes were soon replaced by the color of the clay of the court. Its like they are dirty blonde, but on my shoes, instead of my hair.
If these shoes could talk, they would tell you all about the struggle to fit in at a tennis club filled with ladies in matching outfits, and young bodies. My outfits rarely match. I wear Nike and Adidas all on the same day, at the same time. One day I had Adidas on my head, Champion for my sports bra, Nike for my shirt, Armour for my compression shorts, Marcia for my skirt. I did have New Balance shoes and socks, but that is as far as matching goes. Some ladies match all the way down to their Nike stripes! I didn't even know you could order custom colored Nike swashes. My outfits are ala carte TJ Max.
Oh well, it might go back to grade school and high school where I HAD to wear a uniform, and HAD to have it all match, in fear of getting demerits. Its my way of getting back at the universe. Not matching. I do want to fit in though, in my own "not matching" sort of way. I will admit though, that the nuns always seemed to match. Come to think of it, most of my outfits are black and white......
The whiteness of my shoes were soon replaced by the color of the clay of the court. Its like they are dirty blonde, but on my shoes, instead of my hair.
If these shoes could talk, they would tell you all about the struggle to fit in at a tennis club filled with ladies in matching outfits, and young bodies. My outfits rarely match. I wear Nike and Adidas all on the same day, at the same time. One day I had Adidas on my head, Champion for my sports bra, Nike for my shirt, Armour for my compression shorts, Marcia for my skirt. I did have New Balance shoes and socks, but that is as far as matching goes. Some ladies match all the way down to their Nike stripes! I didn't even know you could order custom colored Nike swashes. My outfits are ala carte TJ Max.
Oh well, it might go back to grade school and high school where I HAD to wear a uniform, and HAD to have it all match, in fear of getting demerits. Its my way of getting back at the universe. Not matching. I do want to fit in though, in my own "not matching" sort of way. I will admit though, that the nuns always seemed to match. Come to think of it, most of my outfits are black and white......
08 October 2007
Kicking Butt
Someone asked me today if I kicked butt at Daytona this past weekend. My reply was that I got my butt kicked and then I kicked someone else butt. It was the Senior 7.0 Mixed Doubles Tennis Tournament ---state finals. Pretty impressive. Felt right at home with all the Seniors. We all walked around quit cocky, telling each other how good we looked for our age. I'm only 4 years into this SeniorLand. Its not so bad, especially when I am standing next to a 80 year old. It makes me look like some hot chick!!!
My partner, Ernie and I faced off with a team from St. Pete. We had 10 minutes of warmup. Now really. I think seniors should be allowed a few more minutes. It takes a bit more time to warm up our engines. We certainly don't want to pull anything. We had some really great shots, and we had some really bad shots. The problem was that the bad ones didn't overcome the good ones. With two rain delays, we finished. Our butts kicked.
The next day Ernie and I faced off with a team from Gainesville. A really tall guy who never smiled and a lady that looked like a school teacher. The pace of the game was a much better match. We split sets and it got down to tie breaker. Ernie was pulled wide, and hit a tremendous shot down the line. I was jumping and pumping my arms. Two points to go, and it was my turn to serve. "Oh, please don't let my arms turn to rubber". I served the to school marm and we got the point. One point to go and we would win. The opposing giant was hitting forehand winners all day. I had to serve to him. First serve - out. Second serve, I tossed it up. Now I've been practicing my kick serve for the last month. Its like hitting a superball. It bounces up unexpectedly. I knew he could hit pace. He'd been doing it all day. So up the ball went, I hit it with arms that were strong, and the kick serve went in, bounced up and he hit it out.
What can I say....shot of a lifetime. We kicked butt!
My partner, Ernie and I faced off with a team from St. Pete. We had 10 minutes of warmup. Now really. I think seniors should be allowed a few more minutes. It takes a bit more time to warm up our engines. We certainly don't want to pull anything. We had some really great shots, and we had some really bad shots. The problem was that the bad ones didn't overcome the good ones. With two rain delays, we finished. Our butts kicked.
The next day Ernie and I faced off with a team from Gainesville. A really tall guy who never smiled and a lady that looked like a school teacher. The pace of the game was a much better match. We split sets and it got down to tie breaker. Ernie was pulled wide, and hit a tremendous shot down the line. I was jumping and pumping my arms. Two points to go, and it was my turn to serve. "Oh, please don't let my arms turn to rubber". I served the to school marm and we got the point. One point to go and we would win. The opposing giant was hitting forehand winners all day. I had to serve to him. First serve - out. Second serve, I tossed it up. Now I've been practicing my kick serve for the last month. Its like hitting a superball. It bounces up unexpectedly. I knew he could hit pace. He'd been doing it all day. So up the ball went, I hit it with arms that were strong, and the kick serve went in, bounced up and he hit it out.
What can I say....shot of a lifetime. We kicked butt!
03 October 2007
Black & White
I never knew how many black and white outfits I owned until I started packing for a weekend trip to Daytona. Senior Mixed Tennis tournament. 10 teams from around Florida compete for the crown. Clean shirts. Clean shorts and socks. Nothing worse than not having just the right piece of clothing. Of course, I need to take everything I own, even if its just for 2 or three matches. I need to make sure my mojo is just right. I won't be able to "be the ball" if I'm worried that my shirt is not feeling or looking right.
There is so much to tennis, that doesn't even show up on the court. Its the match between my ears that will be the hardest to control. Confidence to "go for it", letting my intuition be the leader, and not changing my mind in the midst of my stroke. I need to move my feet to the ball, and not lean in what my friends call "butt shots" It's where you plant your feet, and lean way out to hit the ball. So much easier to just move my feet, until the stress of competing makes my shoes concrete.
So I will be packing up tonight, with all my tennis stuff. My daughter often comments "don't you own anything but tennis outfits" I'm starting to agree with her.
There is so much to tennis, that doesn't even show up on the court. Its the match between my ears that will be the hardest to control. Confidence to "go for it", letting my intuition be the leader, and not changing my mind in the midst of my stroke. I need to move my feet to the ball, and not lean in what my friends call "butt shots" It's where you plant your feet, and lean way out to hit the ball. So much easier to just move my feet, until the stress of competing makes my shoes concrete.
So I will be packing up tonight, with all my tennis stuff. My daughter often comments "don't you own anything but tennis outfits" I'm starting to agree with her.
02 October 2007
Zoe
Zoe had such a black little face when we first brought her home. Her dark eyes were lost in puppy fur. As she got older her coat changed to a lighter gray. Her eyes stayed dark. We still after 13 years, can't tell when she is looking as us. We live with Zoe, she is definitely in charge. Jack Russel Terriers need a strong hand, and firm owners. She got the "do whatever" kind of owners. There are limits though. She can't eat off the table.
Zoe loves to bury things - chicken bones, bagels, old pizza crust. One night when I went to bed, I found a drumstick under my pillow. She was saving it for later. Another day, she was walking around the house, whining, with a bagel in her mouth. She finally found a good hiding place behind the floor length curtains. I checked on it later and it was gone.
There have been signs of her getting on the kitchen counter, but I have only once caught her in the act, standing behind the stove, eating old macaroni and cheese out of the pot. She must have heard me coming. When I came in the room, there she sat, calmly. If her eyes weren't so dark, I would be able to see guilt in them.
She's also taught us to pick up our clothes. Anything she finds, that she likes she eats. Doesn't matter if its clothing or food.
Zoe is old now, and we give her some slack. Her favorite place to rest is smack dab in the middle of the dining room table. Now, I've never caught her, just see the mess around her when she greets me at the door!
01 October 2007
Red Glasses
I wear red glasses and have for three years. This was before red glasses were really popular. I bought them because they looked really good on me and they were cutting edge, but mostly, I didn't want people to meet me and then forget. They might forget the color of my eyes, but few forget the red glasses. They also give me a sort of "artsy" air to my being. Which is good, because I am an artist, and I try to carry some sort of mystery about me.
I tried to wear contacts about a year ago. I just couldn't handle it. I felt naked. Glasses have been on my nose for 45 years. They go together. Even in the middle of the night, when I have to use the bathroom, I put the glasses on to "see". I also have a hard time hearing a conversation, if my glasses are off. How can that be? I must read lips.
When I play tennis, I wear these huge green lensed, wrap around glasses. They are supposed to highlight the ball on the court. I think they make me look like a gecko. But they do the trick, and help me see. Some of the ladies wear their glasses all the time. I have no idea what their eyes look like, and if it wasn't for the tone of their voices, I could pass them on the street and not know who they are.
As soon as the game is over, I switch to my "artsy" look. I don't want to get lost on the courts either.
I tried to wear contacts about a year ago. I just couldn't handle it. I felt naked. Glasses have been on my nose for 45 years. They go together. Even in the middle of the night, when I have to use the bathroom, I put the glasses on to "see". I also have a hard time hearing a conversation, if my glasses are off. How can that be? I must read lips.
When I play tennis, I wear these huge green lensed, wrap around glasses. They are supposed to highlight the ball on the court. I think they make me look like a gecko. But they do the trick, and help me see. Some of the ladies wear their glasses all the time. I have no idea what their eyes look like, and if it wasn't for the tone of their voices, I could pass them on the street and not know who they are.
As soon as the game is over, I switch to my "artsy" look. I don't want to get lost on the courts either.
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